So the other day Jerry the Jellyfish was just floating by minding his own business, not stinging anyone because he was recently laid off from the Oasis Underwater Centralized Hegemony (OUCH for short). Apparently he felt bad for stinging things…quite odd Jellyfish behavior indeed.
He was pretty down and out as not only was he unemployed but he was having troubles with Mrs. Jerry the Jellyfish, Jessica. Since losing his job she had been eyeing…er…translucent blobbing Jerry’s nemesis from polypoid School Steve (side note, Steve’s a dick). Steve could sting a clownfish from 15 yards, out swim a blowfish and force no fewer than 5 leg stings that would require someone to pee on it. Steve was a HUGE dick.
While floating around he came upon a lovely sunken ship that turned his frown upside down.
“This would be the perfect place to take Jessica, she’s been dying to go out lately, and this could be just the thing.”
Just as he was turning around to swim back to tell her the good news he caught something out of the corner of his dome.
“Oh my jibbling jellies no!”
Jerry had just witnessed Jessica and Steve dancing the Forbidden Fevered Forty Foxtrot Sting. A dance so dangerous and sexy it was outlawed by Poseidon himself.
“Jessica your dirty Dolphin, have you no shame!” Shouted Jerry
“Jerry! It’s…it’s not what it looks look, I tripped and..” Stuttered Jessica
“Can you blame her? I mean just look at the stinger definition on these tentacles” boasted Steve
“A draught on both of your houses…” Was all Jerry could muster, and drifted away.
Feeling completely lost and depressed he headed to the Abysmal Depths, the deepest and scariest place of the ocean (this is also where, according to the legends, Carp are made). Once there he shouted into its depths, “Is there no place in this world for a gentle Jellyfish?!?!”
A rumble filled the waters as schools of fish feverishly swam away from Jerry.
“You have a place my son, but first you must rid me of a fiendish trouble”
“Poseidon?!?!?! You honor me. What is it that I can do for you?” Said Jerry
“You must rid this ocean of the one you call Steve I fear I have made too perfect a pest.”
“But mighty sea lord I haven’t the power to defeat him he is too awesome, he has a custom made jean jacket and wears sunglasses” Stuttered Jerry
“Then take this my son and steel your heart to what must be done.”
It was right then and there that Jerry was handed a plastic baggy with a jar of peanut butter and two slices of bread. However Jerry was a Jellyfish so he knew no what these were.
With fire in his heart he swam to the sunken ship where Steve and Jessica where talking nervously.
“STEVE! It is time you paid for your crimes of being better than everyone, this is 2010 everyone has to be the same! It’s only far.” (I should tell you know Jerry is a Democrat).
“HAHA and what are you going to do about it? You have the build of a young medusa.”
“I’m going to do this!” And at that point poured the peanut butter all over Steve and slapped both pieces of bread on him. For a moment nothing happened but then out of nowhere the largest shark Jerry had ever seen devoured the Steve sandwich and swam happily by.
There was much rejoicing on Jerry’s end as Jessica returned to him and Jerry got a job as an electrical engineer.
And thus the story of how the peanut butter and jelly sandwich was created comes to an end.
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